EVERY TIME I hear stories of sexual abuse, I wonder what goes on in the mind of the perpetrator. I can’t help but wonder if the perpetrators were once victims themselves. Did they witness sexual abuse at a young age, and were unable to process it healthily? Were they not taught to respect other people? Were they simply mimicking what they saw at home?

I also ponder how the victims feel. For those who continue staying silent, what makes them keep mum?

From 2018 to 2023, more than 18,000 cases of child sexual abuse cases were recorded in Malaysia. In the last three years, a total of 9,198 sexual harassment and abuse cases were reported, affecting both female and male victims.

Awareness from Young

Some schools and organisations have begun introducing the concept of “good touch” and “bad touch” to young children.

“Starting from age four is when we start talking to our children about their personal boundaries,” says Alfie Sebastian, a retired kindergarten school principal who has been teaching for over 30 years. “We usually start with a story, Nina and Her Secret. It is a story about how a child is touched inappropriately by an adult, but is asked to keep it a secret, until one day, a monkey encourages her to tell her parents,” she recounts. Children need to be taught that they do not need to keep all secrets, especially ones that a perpetrator tells them to keep. If it makes them uncomfortable, they must tell someone they trust.

For young children, playing with their friends’ private parts, like pinching or touching buttocks, can be brushed off simply as harmless play. But Sebastian recommends enforcing these boundaries early, teaching them to respect themselves and their friends. She encourages empowering children to say, “No—do not touch me there,” when in danger.

She also recognises a need for children to be able to open up and tell a grownup about a difficult challenge they are facing. So, her school introduced a small, one-seat play mat in all the classrooms. If any child went to sit on it, it indicated that they feel troubled, and wanted to talk about it. Their class teacher would then listen and help the child with their problem.

“This has worked for us, and we’ve found that it’s created a safe space that allows us to see into their world, and we address their problems from there,” Sebastian adds.

Approaching Teens

We used to tell children not to open the door for strangers if they were at home or in the car alone. Now, with almost every child having access to smartphones, strangers are just hiding behind their screens.

“We are seeing more and more children with phones, starting from 10 years old,” says Ooi Bee See, a social worker at Pusat Perkhidmatan Wanita, the mainland branch of the Penang Women’s Centre for Change (WCC).

The Australian government prohibits those under 16 from using social media, but Malaysia has yet to enforce such laws. Even though social media policies state that children should be at least 13 years old before they are permitted to use it, this is simply ignored.

Pre-teens and adolescents are vulnerable in the cyber world. Starting relationships with strangers online, exchanging explicit photographs with people they think they know, and selling their photos are some of the situations teenagers may find themselves in. However, these go unseen by parents until it’s too late—when a girl turns up pregnant, some are blackmailed with threats to release their provocative photographs to the public (termed as sextortion) and others meet their “friend” in person.

“Due to the sensitive nature of these topics, we regularly conduct talks about cyber safety for secondary school students,” Ooi says. “Understandably, it is a difficult topic for parents to discuss with their kids, as most parents are unaware of the activity on their teenagers’ phones and social media apps. That is why educating them early is important.”

Healthy Relationships Are Crucial

Regardless of how old the child is, it is the responsibility of grownups and parents to protect them from sexual abuse and engaging in unhealthy activities. We cannot do much when the act has happened, but we can prevent it.

“Young children simply desire their parents’ love. So, express your love to your kids and spend quality time with them. Listen to them and deepen your relationship with them. Show them what true love is, starting from the home, so that they do not seek to fill that void in the wrong places from the wrong people,” Sebastian advises.

“When children reach teenage years, they begin to enter a stage of self-exploration. They may look for validation and guidance from social media, where perpetrators lurk in wait for young and innocent teens,” says Bee See. She advises parents to find ways to increase their teenagers’ self-esteem and confidence, helping them achieve their goals and ambitions in healthy ways. As teenagers begin to see and define their identities, parents should continue building that relationship with them.

There is no knowing who can be a sexual offender in advance—they can be a friend, family member or even someone respected by the community. Therefore, no time should be wasted when it comes to educating our children in this matter.

Helpful resources 

Below are a few storybooks produced by Women’s Centre for Change, available in multiple languages for free. Access the storybooks on https://www.wccpenang.org/books/ 

Storybooks to read with your children: 

• Nina and Her Secret, 2007. 

Storybooks to read with pre-teens:

• Samir and His Online Friend

• Lisa and Her Secret

• Yusri and His Secret

Resources for teachers and parents:

Cybersafety: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe Online (English only)